In one of our preschool classrooms, there is a little girl we’ll call Lily. She is bright and determined, but because of how hard her birth was and how long she spent in the NICU, her body moves differently from the other children’s. She needs help opening her lunch container, climbing the playground structures, keeping her body upright on her way down the slide, or when reaching for the art supplies she loves. On most mornings, before a teacher can step in, another child — often one of our Care Coordinator’s daughter Lucy, but sometimes a rotating cast of friends — appears beside her.
“Want help?”
Together, all St. David’s children at our ECE program in Minnetonka navigate the small challenges of the day: placing a paintbrush in Lily’s hand so she can join the art project, holding her hand along the wetland boardwalk, pausing so she can sing along. It isn’t charity. And it isn’t forced. This is simply what it means to live in community, a place where everyone can belong.
When Lily reaches a little farther, sits a little longer, understands the story a little bit more — the whole class smiles. But at the same time, something else is happening. The children supporting her are growing, too. They’re practicing patience, leadership, emotional regulation, and problem-solving. They’re learning compassion and empathy, not as abstractions, but as daily habits essential to their play, their learning, and their friendships.
When reading the news or posts on social media, terms like “empathy” and “compassion” seem to be increasingly scarce. Instead, many of us feel the conflict and hostility that characterizes so much of our public discourse. Raising children in this kind of environment can feel unsettling. What kind of society will they inherit? One shaped by misunderstanding and tension—or one grounded in our shared humanity and the awareness that our fates are intertwined?
At the same time, with the rapid acceleration of technological change, the need to prepare children for a competitive and unpredictable world is unmistakable. These two realities can seem at odds: on one side, the desire to raise kind, connected children; on the other, the pressure to ensure academic readiness and long-term success.
The good news is, the research is clear: these goals reinforce one another. It’s true: social-emotional skills — empathy, compassion, collaboration, emotional regulation — are the foundation of academic achievement. Children who can cooperate, see from another's point of view, manage their frustration, communicate clearly, teach peers, and work through conflict are especially able to learn, retain information, and remain resilient in challenges.
Neuroscientists, developmental psychologists, and educators increasingly agree: the brain learns best inside relationships rooted in trust and emotional safety. When children practice compassion—like helping a classmate steady her paintbrush—they’re strengthening the same neural pathways that are connected to attention, executive function, and problem-solving.
Here are FIVE WAYS that social-emotional skills help build cognitive ones:
1. Empathy and compassion strengthen executive functioning.
Helping a friend requires planning, predicting needs, inhibiting impulses, and adjusting behavior—all core cognitive skills children later use for reading, math, and problem-solving.
2. Empathy and compassion boost attention and persistence.
Children who learn to manage emotions and stay regulated are more capable of staying focused during learning tasks and more resilient during challenges.
3. Empathy and compassion improve communication and literacy.
Understanding another person’s experience directly supports language development, narrative comprehension, and early reading skills.
4. Empathy and compassion build leadership and teamwork skills.
Children who learn to work with others, help their friends, or resolve conflict learn to collaborate as they’ll do in school, work, and life.
5. Empathy and compassion unlock learning.
Children who help instead of melting down have more mental space available for absorbing new information.
So for parents and caregivers, we can feel confident knowing that helping our children develop respect, understanding, and even love, for others will help them flourish in relationships, school, and life.
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